Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
