are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
