CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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