i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize