i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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