Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
