My hand turned me down
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
