Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
