Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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