Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
