Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
