I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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