Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
