so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
