I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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