yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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