Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
