saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
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Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
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There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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