she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
