I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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