Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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