i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm at about main and main street
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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