I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
