Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
