omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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