Swine flu. Run for my life!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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