OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
