I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your cock deserves a montage
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
