Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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