blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
