I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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