i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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