I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
