chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
