apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
