In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
