just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm too high and old for this...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
