I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
