I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
