she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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