real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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