if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
