sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
