the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
