Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She bit a glass in half.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
