I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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