My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
