standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
