My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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