When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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