I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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