I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
