Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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