i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
