I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
