We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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