he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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