Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
