Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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