I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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