all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I will pee on everything he values.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
